I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper

Hello everyone. I wanted to say thank you for tuning in. A quick update, my doctor's appointment went well. No change or increase in medications and my BP was actually almost acceptable. I got up the courage to ask the doc about Chantix and started it on Friday. I am supposed to let everyone know to pay attention to my mood. First reason is that I cannot take the Chantix and my anti-depressant at the same time. Second reason is because in the next few weeks I may become increasingly irritable...really, I have already been feeling like that trying to quit cold turkey.I guess that comes down to not too much will change in the next few weeks.   I have to admit that I failed to go on my walk today, but I think we will head out to Robinson's Preserve for our walk tomorrow.

Your votes were tallied and the cupcake for this week was determined. I had a ton of fun baking Chocolate Dr Pepper Cupcakes this evening. I had a little helper  that was wide awake and thrilled to play a role in this week's dose of cupcakes. My other little one fell asleep for the night before my baking began. This particular cupcake was easy to make. It is the first time I have made a cake that required the butter be melted for the batter and the icing. Then again it is the first time I have made a cake with soda for the liquid. One thing I love about this recipe is that the cupcakes only take 15 minutes to bake. They were so light and moist, hugely different from the matcha cupcakes. The smell as they were baking was fantastic, probably because of the cinnamon. The icing gave me a run for my money. First it was too thin...add powdered sugar, then it was too thick...add Dr Pepper. Finally it was perfect. The cakes were taken out of the oven. At that point I looked down and it was 10:43 p.m.  I had to break the news to my assistant chef that she would have to go to bed and her taste test would have to wait until tomorrow. Make no mistake she will wake up asking for a cupcake for breakfast. I did taste them in her absence. I have to say they were YUMMY!!! The icing, like most homemade styles, was very sweet. The hint of Dr Pepper and cherry syrup was there. What I was most delighted to experience was the little bit of heat provided by the
cinnamon. I will post the recipe tomorrow if anyone wants to try these. It is late and I should go to sleep sometime before my children wake up for the day.   Almost forgot, check out the slide show I added to the page.

Baby Steps

There are a few things that I have had to admit to myself this week. Well one big thing really, I have been in denial. There are few things in life that happen the way we would like them to. I am trying not to be too hard on myself because I really am just beginning on this new road. This week I have struggled with my fight to stop smoking. My heart rate has been elevated, my blood pressure uncontrolled by the medication. I am ashamed to say that it has taken me this long to come to terms with the damage I have done to my body. The odds are stacked against me, there is a history of hypertension and heart disease in both my paternal grandparent's families. Why I thought I would be the lucky one to overcome it is beyond me. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and I am sure that the medication will change or increase or both. No matter the outcome one thing is for sure there are big changes coming for me. This week I finally accepted it is time to leave my job. The work that I loved for so long has taken it's toll on me. The work itself is not overwhelming but with every shift in funding means a shift in responsibility. That has been the hardest thing for me. There are days that I feel like I cannot pull my weight, so many things happen to take me away from work, like my health and  the health of my family. None of which I can control. With every sick day I feel more guilty for the burden it places on my co-workers, some of which have become very dear friends. Because of this I have come to the point where it is time to leave not only this particular job, but the counseling field in it's entirety. At least for a little while. I need to find something that is predictable, in a good way. Something that allows me to leave the job behind when it is quitting time. It will be hard, we all know the pickins are slim out there. On top of that how do you convince a perspective employer that you have the skills to do anything more than work with at risk youth when that is what you have lived and breathed for the past 10 years. Somehow with this realization has come a sense of peace within me. I contribute that in part to the most important person I work with supporting this change for me...you know who you are. The other realization I had this week is that I am making excuses for why other parts of my life cannot change. Specifically my physical activity. I have continued to say that I cannot find the time. How can I break away from the mommy responsibilities that "consume" my time at home. A very wise person once told me to make the things I dreaded the most into something fun, something that could be made into a family activity. I never really understood what that meant before last night. Last night I decided to register for the Heart Walk, a 5K walk in September to benefit the American Heart Association. As I put on my tennis shoes and got ready for my first evening walk, two little girls were begging to go with me, trust me I am not exaggerating. I spent more time arguing with them about why they could not go then it would have taken me to get them ready for a walk. It started a fight and made me angry for no reason.  Today I made a decision to include them in this journey. I picked up some cheap water bottles, 3 LED lanyard glow sticks (since we will be walking in the evening) and a pedometer.  Minus the stop for $1.99 Happy Meals on the way home from day care, it was the best decision I have made in recent weeks. I prepared them for the walk making sure they understood that it was going to be a long walk and that they would need to pay attention to cars. We put on our walking clothes and shoes, strung the glow sticks on our necks, grabbed our water bottles, babies and baby strollers and we were off. Two exercise buddies, forty minutes, 2.3 miles, 5072 steps and 392 calories later...I am no longer in denial.

Royal Icing

At our house we watch a variety of shows. More recently my husband has taken a liking to Top Gear which airs on BBC America. This week during the commercial breaks there has been preview after preview for the upcoming royal nuptials. While some want to know everything there is to know about the April 29th ceremony, I had only one question. What kind of cake will they eat at the reception? How big will it be? I guess that is actually two questions...inquiring minds and all. There are several reports about who has, in fact, been commissioned to design and deliver the cake. Perhaps this means there will be several cakes on display, not uncommon at royal wedding receptions. One thing is for sure, the cake flavor will be traditional  English fruit cake. That is right people, the royals and their guests will be enjoying the very cake that I often think of when deciding what to purchase for my secret Santa gag gift. I know there are people who genuinely enjoy this type of cake, I don't know any one of them personally. Many are making a strong argument that the English version, referred to as "Fruit Cake", tastes much better than the American version, referred to as "Fruitcake." For that to be completely true there must be a much more significant difference in the two than just the spelling.  As far as how big it will be, apparently those details are not being disclosed to the public. I would not be surprised if it tops 9 feet, now that's a whole lot of cake. Another interesting thing I found while researching online is that the royal cakes are often covered with a hardened, sugary icing called Royal Icing. I have worked with this type of icing before and definitely understand why the cake cutting ceremonies for royalty are often performed with some type of sword. Royal Icing would not be my choice to cover my cake with, but it will definitely allow for very precise and intricate designs to be placed on the cake. There are some people who will be planning parties to watch the ceremony. I will not be one of them, I prefer to be asleep in my own bed at 3 a.m. On the off chance that you are one of the royal followers and you would like to serve Fruit Cake at your shin dig Here is the recipe that is said to be very close to the one that will be served to Prince William and Kate. Good luck figuring out what buttered paper is, how to steam a cake and exactly what temperature a "slow oven" would be. I am sure with enough Google you can find those answers.

Traditional English Fruit Cake

Fruit Cake

1 lb butter                                                              
1/2 tsp clove
1 lb sugar
3 lbs raisins
12 eggs
1 lb flour
1 lb currants
2 tsp cinnamon
1 lb citron, thinly sliced and cut into strips
Nutmeg, Allspice, Mace 3/4 tsp each

Royal Icing

1 lb figs, finely chopped                                                  
1/4 cup brandy
2 Tbs lemon juice

Cream butter, add sugar gradually, beat together thoroughly.  Separate yolks and whites of eggs, beat yolks until thick and lemon colored. Beat whites until stiff and dry. Add egg whites and yolks to butter mixture, add flour (reserving 1/3 cup), spices, brandy and lemon juice. Add all fruit except citron. Dredge citron on reserved flour (this will be placed between layers of cake mix when placed in pans. Put mixture in buttered deep pans (does not specify a size), cover with buttered paper, steam 3 hours and bake 1 1/2 hours in a slow oven or 4 hours in a very slow oven.I am not sure how much cake this makes.

Or you could always chose Prince William's Chocolate Biscuit Grooms Cake....Google it...it would be my choice!

Dessert Tea

Yesterday I went on a trip to Won Kai Imports. I was in awe of the aisles of Asian ingredients, most of which I looked at and wondered "What is that?" You see I could not read 99% of the packaging. The very friendly employee led me straight to the Matcha. There were several types to choose from so I went with the package I remembered seeing the most while doing my online searching. I quickly picked up several packages, including one for our child care provider who told me she loved green tea. I left feeling accomplished and excited to make my first dose of cupcakes. Today I ventured into the cupcake unknown. This was a challenge for me because I am not a green tea drinker. I love soda...I am hoping the Dr. Pepper cupcake wins the vote for next week. I was very excited to make the Matcha Cupcake. I gathered my ingredients early this morning, set my butter out to let it get to room temperature and set off for a Saturday morning at work. This is not uncommon for me due to the nature of my job, but today I was looking forward to coming home to bake...just for fun. The batter was thicker than I have seen before and I have made a lot of cake. Using an ice cream scoop to fill the cups I crossed my fingers that they were not overfilled. Moving on to the icing I quickly realized I would need to make 2 batches. The end result looked a lot like Wasabi, thank goodness it did not taste like it. The cooled cupcakes got a swirl of icing and a few candy pearls. Each one was neatly packaged and ready for the Japan Relief Bake Sale. I delivered an uneven five to our green tea loving day care provider and was more than pleased when she called a few minutes later to tell me she liked them. In case any of you would like to try this Far East inspired dessert here is the recipe. 


Matcha Green Tea Cupcakes
Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees


What you will need for the cupcakes:

24 cupcake papers               
2 large eggs
1 cup unsalted butter            
2 large egg yolks
2 cups sugar                       
3 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder           
1/8 tsp salt
1 cup milk                           
2 Tbs matcha tea


Beat butter on high until soft, about 30 seconds.
Add sugar. Beat on medium high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add eggs / egg yolks one at a time, beat for 30 seconds between each.
Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl. 
Add to butter mixture and mix until combined.
Mix in matcha with milk. Add to the batter and mix until combined. Scoop batter into paper lined baking pan. 
Bake for 22 - 25 minutes or until a cake tester or toothpick comes out clean. 
 Let cool completely before icing.

                                                      What you will need for the icing:

1 stick butter                       
1 Tbs matcha powder
2 Tbs half & half                 
3 cups powdered sugar-sifted


     Mix matcha with the half & half to make a paste.      
     Beat butter briefly, scrape bowl.     
     Add the sifted powdered sugar and matcha paste.      
     Beat until smooth
I made 2 batched because I like to pipe on my icing. If you plan on spreading a thin layer on the top then you will be fine with one batch. 


Don't forget to vote for what cupcake I should bake next week.  


HAVE A WONDERFUL EASTER EVERYONE!!!

Sleep Walking

Sometimes I feel like I am sleep walking through life. My daily routine rarely has a change. When it does it generally means someone is sick or injured in my family. I find myself trying to find a way to take care of myself. Where do I find the time to exercise and plan healthy meals. Maybe somewhere in between the endless tasks that wait for me everyday. I knew being a working parent would be tough, but never really realized the things that would be placed on the back burner. I don't miss the late night parties or the nights out on the town. What I miss most days is quite and relaxation. What I find hard is allowing myself to miss them. It does not seem right that I miss the days where the only person I had to bathe and dress was myself. That I did not have to rush out of the house, out of work and back home. If I was running a little late it was not a crisis, there was no need to pick up the phone and call anyone but my husband. What I really need to do is insist I am given time to get myself healthy, even just a simple 30 minute walk seems impossible. All that said, I love my family with all of my heart. I am scared that my heart is strained, that it cannot handle even my most calm day. One day at a time...today was just a hard one. Tomorrow will be a new one. 

Gotcha Matcha

Today I started my quest to find the one ingredient for my Matcha Green Tea Cupcakes that I have never purchased before. I quickly realized that it is not such a common ingredient. I found myself searching the coffee / tea isle of my favorite local grocer. Empty handed I quickly moved to the organic / health food isle. Still no luck. Not being a fan of driving all over town to find one single item I decided to start researching online. I could purchase this particular green tea product from any number of online retailers but would be paying more than the cost of the tea to get it to me in time to make my creation by the delivery date. This option was tossed aside. Now I turned to searching for any possible place that Matcha might be sold in this little town. I called local whole food stores. The cheery employees on the other line quickly told me they were very sorry, but they did not carry the product I needed. How can you call yourself a "Superstore" and not carry a finely ground powdered high quality green tea? I was beginning to think that this stuff was reserved for smoothie shops and Japanese Tea Ceremonies. Don't get me wrong...Mr. Miyagi and Yukie shared a beautiful moment during Karate Kid Part II but did that one love renewing scene back in 1986 really make Matcha so popular that it is this hard to find? I had to tell myself I would not let the allusiveness of my heart's desire get in the way of my first dose of cupcakes. I thought back to the trucks you see pull up outside Asian Restaurants. They surely use products that they cannot order from the local food service company. I quickly typed "Japanese Grocers." Specifically those that would be found in my sleepy little town. Expecting the worst I was happy to see a listing for the east side of town, picked up the phone, dialed and asked my very important question...."Hi, do you carry Matcha Green Tea Powder?" ... "Please hold"....Another voice came on the line loudly repeating the name of the business, so I asked again, waited and heard the 3 little words I longed to hear "Yes we do." Thank you Japanese Grocer dude, I will see you soon. 

What am I getting myself into?

I have been trying very hard to find something for me. You know "me time".  The problem is finding something that I can afford to do and making sure I like it enough that I won't regret my decision. The way I see it we all deserve at least one thing in our lives that we can say is ours, that we are passionate about and look forward to without stress or apprehension. Some of you may say "she's a thirty something, is she having a pre-midlife crisis?" Truth is I am having a my health is crappy and I need to make a change moment. This time it is for real. I have two beautiful girls that I love more than life itself and I want to be there to watch them grow. My biggest roadblocks thus far have been motivation and commitment. I am overweight, struggling to quit smoking (sorry family I am trying...I really am) and suffering from hypertension. At the end of last month the doctor prescribed me blood pressure medication, at 34 REALLY!!! So here is what I am proposing to myself, each week I will find a new cupcake to try. I know, I know, how "Julie & Julia" is that. Simple enough, I love to bake. I love even more sharing my creations with others, so that will keep me from eating them all. Boy would that be counter productive for weight loss.  I will use my blog as a way to get over the 15 minute cravings for a cigarette that just won't go away. Along the way I will share my journey one day at a time, one pound at a time...one cupcake at a time! I can't promise that I will have witty posts like my fellow blogger who authors Diary of a 3rd Person and Scotsman Interrupted (check them out...become a follower, you will love his stories). What I can promise is that I will be true to myself. I will share even the toughest of struggles because I need that sense of release. I want to get back to the me I actually liked. Not the angry, tired lost me that I have become. Stay tuned...this weeks cupcake Matcha Green Tea Cupcakes. These will be donated to the above referenced author of D3P and Scotsman Interrupted for a Japan Relief Fund Bake Sale that will take place on April 25, 2011.